Flustered but Fine

These past few days (has it been a week already?) have been eventful for me. I do not wish to speak of my rather foolish display six days ago. The last entry that I posted was met with nothing but apathy by one who I assumed to be a good friend. I suppose it is possible that Platypus (my dear, I still have yet to find his name) was under similar conditions as me, but if not, I must resign myself to looking like a right idiot.

I have been unable to reach the computer since my last entry due to a ... well, it's a long story. A few days ago, the family mutt whose name is Maggie, came bounding into the eldest child's room, where I had been staying. Before I was aware of her presence, Maggie swept me up by the handle and carried me out of the room, clenched in her strong canine jaw. I was then paraded around the home, dog slobber collecting in the nooks that her teeth were making in my handle. Of course, no one noticed... not with the vacuum blaring in the background.

They didn't hear or see her take me outside in her doggie door, the plastic flap bruising a few of my French feathers. I begged her to un-mouth me, but I was still jostled out to the lawn. Maggie abandoned me in the garden and ran off wagging her tail as if she had completed a great mission.

I conversed with the tomatoes for a while... they spoke to me of the woes of aphids, and told them of my own plights with dust mites. They understood me well. That night it rained. The tomatoes were rather happy, seemingly chirping with the buzz of fat new rain droplets to nourish them. I told them that I hated being wet, that it ruined my feathers and made the binding on my handle loose. They let me hide under their leaves... and one little tomato was brash enough so suggest that I was trying to STEAL their rain, and urged that I take shelter immediately. I kept one of my feathers bent just over his stem. If either of us had eyes, I'm sure we would have been glaring.

Dear me, I think I've gotten off track again. I finally got back in the house through a series of tragic episodes that included mud, mosquitoes and a cardboard box, but I'd really rather avoid discussion of that. My optimistic feathers are urging to write that I am now safely within the house, if not a bit damp, but at least sheltered again. Then again, I'm that much closer to the vacuum. It's humming again... but I must be off.


I still love thee Ornithorhynchus anatinus.

The Following Filibuster

Dearest Friends of the interwebs,

I've known quite a few webs personally in my day (cobwebs... spider webs...), and I must say that I have yet to see such destitute and morose conditions present in a web. Yet, here I am, again tapping on the keys of QWERTY. ... it is in this vast and empty existence, abandoned in the corner of the room that the eldest child of this household dwells in, that I have been neglected. Yet, in the solace of one true friend, well, I do not know of the name of my new companion. He is a platypus... one of earth's most noble creatures I am sure...

It is here that I admit to the fact that I am not as well versed in American society and culture as I would like to be. I've seen many a dusty corner in my day, and the bookshelves have been one of my favorite places to be left-- I could not recall the amount of time I have been able to spend scouring the pages of old encyclopedias and children's novellas. One of the most entertaining novels I have read so far would have to be of the title "Dictionary".

And, oh, how I'm getting off track again. What I meant to point out with such ramblings was the mere fact that I did not, until last night of course, know of the existence of such creature known as the platypus. Today, I was able to sneak into the lounge while the bloody vacuum was howling.... it seems as if the thing has been running since the traitor first crossed the threshold. I flipped through the P encyclopedia... and lo and behold, I saw the queerest creature in all my life. It was much stranger than the household cat (a villain that I have despised since it first nipped at me, and pulled out one of my feathers).

And yet, how I wish that the creature I had met last night would again respond to me... the knowledge that I am not alone in my isolation was more than a joy to discover. I feel as if a weight has been lifted from my dainty wooden handle. How sweet the knowledge of such amiable contact was.

The vacuum has just shut up... and though I hate to pattern my own behaviors and timings after such a distasteful device, I must sign off before anyone hears the clattering of these keys. Until later...

Au Revoir mon ornithorynque

~Olga

The First Hours of the Filibuster

Dear Homo Sapiens of the Internet (though I've heard you referenced as "mom" and "dad" and "sister" and "baby" I'd like to use a more general and professional term... this is after all a professional matter.)

You may or may not know that I am what many of you have named a "featherduster". As I type this, I would like to point out that I am not merely a duster made of feathers, but I'm an ingenious tool created a very long time ago... created by none other than your species!

... and yet, here I lay, sadly tapping the keys of this ancient keyboard, my peer and comrade. I have been abandoned. Today the family returned to this house... with a box.. a large box... a colorful box. As I wiped the dust away from eyes I could see the truth...






a vacuum.